Oh shit: a tail of why ideas stay on paper
by jaketheripper
Summary: This is a story purely about my fan characters so any idiots who feel asshurt about my choice of subject matter can eat me
1. Chapter 1

intro:

my name is Jake Tinsley, I was born in Japan, but I've lived in America all my life.

today was going to be awesome, but instead something horrible happened, my head emptied of ideas, literally, I was sitting at my desk at home and something huge hit me from behind, my head opened up and out came Doctor Green, gorilla man , Jeiku Chinsorri, shell and ubarman AKa joshi gakubo, it didn't take them long to realize where they were in somewhere foreign, I however slipped into a coma, I only know what happened because I see a bit through their eyes.

this is the story of how my imagination tried to fix the world.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 1

shell looked around at the other big guys, the sheer amount of green was startling, "geez, it's like I'm standing in a Forrest."

ubarman turned around and looked at the rest, "damn, never knew this style was so popular." Gorilla man snarked under his mask, "no, you two just have the same amount of color blindness." Doctor Green grumbled, what's wrong with green?" Gorilla man shouldered his hammer and chuckled, "nothing, my favorite color is green, it's just that these two-" he gestured to jeiku and ubarman, "make overkill of it."

doctor green, who was simply wearing a green shirt and tie, nodded, "agreed, but now to the matter at hand, why am I stuck in a room with a fighting robot, an anthropomorphic /cyborg, and a zoo animal in a cape?"

This statement immediately set gorilla man off, " hey, I didn't ask to be here, I think, personally, that this guy is responsible." He gestured at my unconscious body, I was bleeding from the back of my head and Doctor Green noticed, " we need to get him to a hospital!"

Gorilla man hefted me up and broke down the wall, they all rushed me to a hospital, they ran in the emergency drop off and set me down on the counter, Doctor Green ran to the desk and rang the bell, "HEY! My friend needs help!" the attendant came to the front and saw me bleeding on the seats, " oh god, uh, what's his name?"

Doctor Green shrugged, "found him like this."

the attendant sighed, "I can't help you without-" ubarman strode over and roared into the box, his eyes glowing red, "DO IT! HE'S DYING!" The teller fell out of her chair screaming and orderlies came and put my body on a gernie, then wheeled it down the hall, closely followed by my characters.

they put my body on life support and then called the police, they arrived and pointed guns at my characters, who , not being ones to be threatened, drew their own weapons.

"drop the weapons!" Yelled the police officers, Doctor Green cocked his gun and flashed his badge, "you are all in huge trouble!"

gorilla man twirled his hammer, " you guys should know me, I've saved the world twice!"

Ubarman and shell winked at each other and charged, "eat it!" They shouted in unison.

the police opened fire and the chaos began.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 2

in the end, it was Doctor Green who stopped the fighting, he wanted to know why the police were attacking them, so then they were locked in a cell, then some men from the government came and picked them up, "finally, hello gentlemen, take me to site 30 , doctor Clef will be wondering where I've gone."

the driver of the van turned and looked at Doctor Green, " Dafuq are you talking about Son? I don't know a doctor Clef."

Doctor Green growled, "you are trying my patience, Ubarman, get us out of here, I need to do some research."

Ubarman nodded and lashed out at either side of the car with his arms, the car tore in half, Jeiku and Doctor Green landed with some difficulty, but Ubarman, Gorillaman and shell landed easily, Ubarman looked at Doctor Green smiling, "what now boss?"

Gorillaman grumbled, "who says he's our leader?"

Ubarman looked at Gorillaman, "says me."

Gorillaman gulped, "i appriciate a diplomat."

Shell and Jeiku laugh a bit as the group proceeds to the local library, everyone looks round as they walk in and follows their every move, the sight is just too grotesque, Doctor Green sits down and begins typing on the computer, googling SCP.

"no."

Ubarman looks down at Doctor Green, "what?"

Doctor Green puts his head in his hands, "its a writing site."

Ubarman shakes his head, "fuck that, google me."

he googled Ubarman and came up with my jaketheripper fanfiction, Ubarman groaned, "i'm a fanfiction?"

they clicked on jaketheripper and opened all the files, "we're all fanfictions, and-" they all look at the profile pic, it's me, but then they take another look at eachother, Gorillaman pulls off his helmet and reveals the same face, "i thought you looked familiar." he said to Doctor Green, who's face was as freckled and pale as mine, Jeiku took off his hood and looked at everyone, "what the fuck?"

Ubarman took off his mask to reveal brown hair and tan skin, possibly the only character aside from shell that isn't a variation of me

they all walked out the back and began studying one another.

Doctor Green asked Gorillaman, who had put on his mask again, "where did you live when you were twelve?"

Gorillaman chuckles, "lake worth, why?"

Doctor Green did a facepalm, "were you born in japan?"

Gorillaman's eyes widened, "no fucking way."

Doctor Green nodded sollumnly, "im affraid we are all figments of someones imagination."

Ubarman roared, "but we're here arent we? if we're not real then why are we here?"

Doctor Green nodded thoughtfully, "if we're not real now, lets make ourselves real, from this point forward, we will be the justice league!"

Gorilla man pumped his hairy fist in the air along with Ubarman and Shell, Jeiku however, sighed, "fine."


	4. Chapter 4

Doctor Green was pacing, "so, what could we use as a headquarters?"

Jeiku grumbled, "how about something discreet?"

Doctor Green pointed at him, "good, that's a start, but where would that be exactly?"

Gorilla man sighed, "how about we get our asses somewhere that we can help? like afghanistan or something?"

Shell shrugged, "you guys seem to know exactly what's going on here, i just followed you, I'm good for whatever."

Ubarman smiled, "yes, i want to punch someone in the face."

"then it's settled, we don't need a base as long as we go help where we're needed."

Jeiku cocked an eyebrow under his hood, "so, where is this afghanistan?"

Doctor Green waved a hand, "if i'm correct in assuming you're from the shonen jump universe, then it'd be our equivalent of the sand village."

Jeiku chuckled, "great."

with this, they began walking down the street, "so, how do we get there? we don't have any money."

Doctor Green pulled out SCP 399, he put it on and walked over to the bank, he pointed it at the ATM and it began spewing out all the bills it had.

Doctor Green picked these up and put them in his wallet, "good, now we can catch a plane."

**hours later at the airport**

Doctor Green was now piloting a stolen personal jet, Shell was on the wing shooting down fighter jets that were pursuing them, Jeiku snarled at Doctor Green, "YOU HAD TO STEEL IT?!"

"it was the quickest option."

Ubarman was chugging a bottle of champagne, "wouldn't have done it any other way."

Gorilla man cackled, "me neither."

Jeiku turned to them, "DO NOT ENCOURAGE HIM!"

Doctor Green chuckled, "why do i get the impression i'm talking to myself?"

the last plane went down and Shell knocked on the door, Ubarman let him in and then quickly shut the door.

"so we ARE going to go to Afghanistan?"

"yup."

"hey, while we're down there, why don't we kill Osama Bin Laden?"

Doctor Green chuckled, "sounds fucking peachy to me."

Jeiku bent down to Doctor Green, "who?"

Doctor Green sighed, "worse than orochimaru."

Jeiku cringed, "damn."

"but weaker."

Jeiku smiled, "perfect."


	5. Chapter 5

They arrived to greetings, because of Doctor Green's knowledge of military terms and his successful reassignment of the plane's serial number, "good to have one of the CIA here with us."

Green cringed, Ubarman looked at him, "what's wrong, boss?"

"back at SCP, we made fun of the CIA, called them soft shells."

Ubarman chuckled as Jeiku looked around, "just like back home, but no walls, do the bad guys still wear black robes?"

Gorilla man jumped out and cackled, "no, bro, here, bad guys carry guns and wear hoods and cloaks, no red clouds though."

"guns?"

Doctor Green sighed and showed him the gun he had, they come in all shapes and sizes my boy."

Shell laughed as both his hands became guns and missile pods came out of his shoulders, "ain't got shit on me though!"

the soldiers regarded the heroes with complete shock, "are you sure they're CIA?"

then they reached the war room where the general and the colonel were sitting, "Doctor, have a seat."

The Doctor sat down while his friends crowded around him, the general chuckled, "ok, you're not CIA, so tell me-" all guns in the room pointed at the heroes, "-why the hell are you assholes in my air base?"

Doctor Green blinked and the guns dissolved into iron and lead dust, "I am Doctor Green, acting director of SCP, theseare my co workers, Ubarman, Jeiku Chinsorri, Shell and Gorilla man, we are here to solve the one problem you haven't been able to solve yet."

the general was red faced, shocked and afraid at this unknown occurrence, "and what problem would that be exactly?"

"Osama bin laden."

the general scooted up to Doctor Green, "do you know something I don't, son?"

"I come from a future where Osama bin laden has already been killed by seal team 6, I know where he is, you are lucky I came here for backup, because that's what we need."

the general sighed, "seeing as you just turned our guns into dust, I am inclined to believe you, but if you represent a threat, even for a second, I will not hesitate to have you shot."

"don't miss"


	6. Chapter 6

the day after, the heroes were being driven through the sand in a jeep convoy, they were hurrying towards the coordinates in pakistan, they reached the coordinates, and seal team 6 hurried out of their geeps and Doctor Green motioned for them to hurry, sudddenly they were ambushed, black cloaked people came from all sides, pointing guns, Doctor Green smiled and spoke in urdu, "you idiots have fallen into my trap."

with a blink, the attackers's skins had vanished, leaving exposed flesh, they all began to scream in unimaginable agony, Doctor Green laughed and made their eyeballs turn inside out, they all passed out from the pain, leaving those present to stare at Doctor Green in horror, "they deserved it and you all know it."

Jeiku walked up to him, irate, "you need to chill, why not make them vanish? simply destroy them?"

"because they deserved it!"

Jeiku sighed, "i'll give you that, but-" suddenly bullets hit the bck of gorillaman's helmet, Jeiku turned before any of them could react and said, "chakra eye beams."

blue light came from his eyes and seared a hole in the chest of the shooter, he fell off the building.

Doctor Green grumbled, "alright, Ubarman, knock down the door, Gorilla man, you ok?"

Ubarman advanced at the door and Gorilla man nodded, "peachy, kevlar helmet."

"good."

BOOM

shell rolled between his gigantic mechanical legs and opened fire on the al-queda soldiers on the inside, they fell, Doctor Green and the others walked in, he looked at the seals, "fan out, he could be anywhere." the 6 soldiers split into two groups of three and fanned out.

"shell, Jeiku, you follow the seals, Ubarman, guard the door, Gorilla man, you're with me."

Ubarman nodded as Gorilla man followed Doctor Green, they walked down the hall, not knowing someone was watching them.

"can't you just use that ring to find him instantly?"

Doctor Green sighed, "that's the thing, if i don't know where he is, i can't find him, it's one of the weakensses of the ring."

"so if you didn't know someone was going to shoot you..."

"boom, headshot."

Gorillaman cringed, "owch."

"yea."

they walked into a hallway to find a locked door, "heh, locked."

the doors dissolved and Gorilla man threw two throwing knives into the skulls of the two guards, Doctor Green laughed and pulls a gun, "why do you even need that?"

"watch."

the gun mutated in the Doctor's hand, it transformed into judge dredd's handgun, Gorilla man gasped, "is...that...?"

"grenade."

_arming grenade_

he pointed it at the lock and fired a grenade which blew the door down, only to be met with a blast door.

"should have known he'd have a panic room."

there was the sound of a large gun being armed behind them, Doctor Green and Gorilla man turned to see the man himself standing there in the hall way pointing a rocket launcher aimed at them, "american scum!" he said in urdu

"fuck me."

BOOM


	7. Chapter 7

Jeiku appeared in the hallway along with Shell and Ubarman, they all looked around and saw Doctor Green and Gorilla man laying there, Doctor Green was regenerating a few body parts, Gorilla man was sparking, Jeiku sighed, "Ubarman, you get Gorilla man to a medic, Shell, wait with the Doctor, I'll get Bin laden."

with this, he ran down the corridor as fast as he could, "you will be stopped!"

bin laden saw him running down the hall and opened fire with an Uzi as he approached, Jeiku vanished a few times before tackling Bin laden, disarming him, he picked him up by the robe and carried him into the main hall, "what are you doing, you fool?"

suddenly Jeiku heard a gun click behind him, he turned to look and saw a blonde and beautiful woman dressed in a black tuxedo wearing glasses, she smiled, "put my client down if you please."

"who the HELL are you?"

the girl smiled, "the name's Shelby, Shelby Pearson."

Jeiku remembered back to when he had read Gorillaman's story, "but...you're a good guy! You should be on our side!"

Shelby giggled, "oh that is so cute, you look like jake and yet you are just as stupid as he is, I'm a business woman and therefore, money comes before good choices."

Jeiku thought frantically, "you're client here just decimated a huge investment of yours."

"and what would that be?"

"Gorilla man, bin laden shot him with an RPG."

she put down her gun and looked at Osama, "you did WHAT?"

Osama, who saw that he was truly in deep shit, pointed at Jeiku, "they're intruders, I had NO clue!"

Shelby growled and pointed her gun again, "we'll have to talk about this later."

there was a gunshot and I suffered another aneurism sending me deeper into a coma as the lifeless body of Jeiku Chinsorri collapsed to the floor, a bullet lodged his his head.

Doctor Green woke from his death and sprinted down the hall, shell close behind, however, Shelby and Bin Laden were now boarding a helicopter.

Doctor Green could have stopped them if it hadn't been for the dead ninja splayed out on the floor, the Doctor fell to his knees and thought with all his might, he roared as the lights flickered on and off inside the building, but nothing happened to the snow expired ninja, the strongest in Konoha, reduced to a pile of meat and bone by a single bullet.

"what will we do now?"

**wha-Shelby? How the hell did she get there? Why wasn't she spawned with the heroes? Where is she taking bin laden? Find out next chapter.**


	8. Chapter 8

"Gorilla Man!"

the boy woke from his near coma, "wha? huh?"

Doctor Green was helping repair his suit whilst the medic saw to the boy's concussion and trauma, he shot up with a groan, "oh holy shit, my ribs!"

the medic forced him back down and Doctor Green walked over, "your suit barely withstood the explosion, I'm making the nessecary repairs now-"

"is Bin Laden dead?"

Doctor Green sighed, "no...but Jeiku...got killed."

"by whom?"

"I...i assume it was bin laden, apparently he got away in a helicopter, Something doesn't feel right."

"what do you mean?"

Doctor Green used SCP-399 to heal Gorill man's wounds and he sat down, "Jeiku was a ninja, from the splatter pattern, it was point blank, to the head, who would he let get that close?"

suddenly the radio on the inside of Gorilla man's helmet sounded, he picked it up and put it on, he pressed the accept call button and a visual of Shelby Pearson appeared in the eye pieces, "sh-shelby?"

the woman nodded silently, "Gorilla man! I have an urgent message!"

"yes? what is it?"

"Doctor Green is working for Bin Laden!"

"WHAT?!"

"yes, as much as it saddens me to see you betrayed like this, I can't do anything from here,you've got to take him down."

Gorilla Man was petrified, he shuddered and whispered, "where are you?"

"I'm In New York, come to me once you have dealt with Green."

"b-but he took an RPG to the face and he's still walking around."

Shelby giggled, "you're a clever boy, Jake, you'll find a way to keep him down."

with that, she terminated the transmission, Gorilla man took off the helmet and looked at Doctor Green's worried face, "how soon can you have my suit back up and running?"

Doctor Green chuckled, "a few seconds."

"do it, I need to do something."

with that, Doctor Green used 399 to reassemble every circut and servo, recreating the suit down to the fur and the latex "flesh"

Gorilla Man got in, the systems booted back up and he looked around, he held out a hand to Green, "my hammer?"

the Doctor recreated his seismic sledge and smiled, "so what did you have to do?"

"this."

he swung his hammer full force at Doctor Green's head, there was a splatter and the immortal fell to the ground, headless, Gorilla Man pulled off Doctor Green's right arm where SCP-399 resided on his middle finger and pocketed it, the soldiers around him took aim at him as the other team mates returned, "guys, calm down, he was working with bin laden."

the soldiers hesitated, Shell and Ubarman gasped, Ubarman stepped forward, "and how do you know this?"

"I got a tip from a friend, her name is Shelby, apparently she came into this world with us from that kid's head."

Doctor Green regrew his head and sat up groaning in pain as his skin and eyes regrew, "so, how long have you been working for bin laden?"

Doctor Green snarled and drew his gun, only to have his hand bashed off, the gun went flying and Doctor Green grunted in pain, "what the FUCK are you talking about?"

Gorilla man snarled, "I'm talking about the reason you killed Jeiku."

Doctor Green stopped, "wait...what?"

with this, Gorilla man swung his hammer again, this time, Doctor Green jumped back, he drew his sword and took a combat stance, "  
DON'T DO THIS, JAKE! SHE'S PLAYING YOU!"

Gorilla Man growled and swung again, Doctor Green dodged, "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID ABOUT YOU!"

Doctor Green jumped over the boy and landed on the other side, "how did she contact you?"

"on my HELMET!" he swung again, this time connecting with the Doctor's shoulder, there was a cracking noise and the Doctor grunted again, "listen, i wouldn't have killed Jeiku, he was one of the most skilled people on this team."

"then why did shelby...wait..."

Doctor Green's shoulder expanded back and Gorilla man thought for a while.

"what?"

"she's betrayed me before, on my first big mission to bust terrorists, she took away my escape boat so she could make an appointment in guam."

"and this proves?"

"that SHE's the one working for bin laden."

Ubarman blinked, "what?"

Shell chuckled, "i'm with big green, what?"

Gorilla man sighed, "we've got to get to new york."


	9. Chapter 9

straight away, the heroes got on a military plane bound for new york, Doctor Green took 399 back and began interrogating Gorilla Man, "so, she designed your suit?"

Gorilla Man nodded, "I don't think she installed anything like a failsafe though."

Doctor Green sighed, "and you're sure she said new york?"

"listen, if i'm understanding this right, you and i are variations of Jake the Ripper, I'm not an idiot."

Doctor Green shrugged, "well fine."

Ubarman grumbled at Shell, "well this is shi-" suddenly there was a sonic boom as another aneurism tore through my head and something appeared in the plane, a brown haired 13 year old boy wearing a UNSC hoodie carrying a gravity hammer, everyone jumped exept for Doctor Green, "judging from your atire, you're the son of master chief aren't you?"

the boy looked wide eyed at the doctor, "what am i doing here?"

Gorilla man gasped, "oh dude, it's another hero! maybe he's here to replace Jeiku!"

"I'm not replacing anybody until someone tells me WHAT'S GOING ON!" the boy lifted the hammer and everyone gave back exept Doctor Green, "listen kid, we're in the middle of a war here, the person who brought us here apparently sent you to replace a fallen comrade of ours, your friends are safe, all you need do is help us and it'll all be over with."

Joe gulped and lowered the hammer, "what needs to be done?"

Doctor Green smiled, "that's better, now we are going to new york to intercept an enemy."

Joe blinked, "wait...new york? we're on earth?!"

Ubarman and Gorillaman chuckled and Doctor Green nodded, "yes."

Joe chuckled, "wow...i'm far from home."

Shell laughed, "i know that feel bro"

Joe yelled, "holy SHIT!"

shell looked around, "what? what?"

"fucking talking animals!"

everyone laughed, "you get used to it." said Doctor Green as the kid sat down

once they reached New York, they disembarked, marshall law had been declared and soldiers were walking the streets, Gorilla Man lead the way to the building where he could see the signal, Doctor Green kicked the doors down and drew his two machine gun pistols, he laid the guards out and proceeded, "Gorilla man, you're with me, the rest of you, stay down here, don't let anyone leave."

Joe, Ubarman and shell nodded as Gorilla man and Green ran to the elevators.

they wouldn't work, not even when Doctor Green told them to, so they resigned to take the stairs.\

shelby was watching them from her penthouse office, "come and get me you stupid bastards."


	10. Chapter 10

Gorilla man and Doctor Green ran up the steps, well Doctor Green floated, making the motion easier.

as they reached the 50th floor, they were met with a man in a plague doctor outfit, they both stopped as Doctor Green looked this new character up and down, "who are you?"

doctor green pointed both his machine gun pistols at this new man, silver eyes behind the goggles in the plague doctor mask, "My name is Doctor Fell." said the black clad figure as he drew two black revolvers, "and you are trespassing on private property."

Doctor Green laughed, "you don't know who you're fucking with."

Doctor Fell popped his neck, "neither do you."

with that, they opened fire on eachother, until they were out of ammo, both of their bodies swiftly healing up, pushing the bullets to the floor, Doctor Fell chuckled as Doctor Fell began to reload, "Gorilla man..."

Gorilla Man was agape at what he had just seen, "y-yes, Doctor?"

Doctor Fell began reloading his first gun and began reloading his second as Doctor Green pushed the two clips out, "go ahead of me, this will take a bit."

Gorilla man barreled past Doctor Fell, up the stairs, the Doctors had finished reloading, "well then, where were we, Doctor?"

Doctor Green leapt at his opponent and opened fire.

**upstairs**

Gorilla man had reached the 50th floor when he came to face with something he hadn't expected, it was a larger version of his suit, blocking the staircase, "beta unit detected, initiating defense." the mech activated and rushed at Gorilla man, he backflipped off the back of it and hit it with his hammer.

**downstairs**

the doors to the elevators opened to reveal several beta unit G-tech mechs like the one Gorilla man wore without the hair and cape, Ubarman, joe and shell took combat stances as they came barreling towards the two.

the three began to tear apart the mechs with little to no effort.

suddenly an alpha mech crashed into a building just outside the building they were in now, Ubarman chuckled, "looks like the Doctor and Gorilla man are making good progress."

**back upstairs**

Gorilla Man looked out the gigantic hole the mech had made, he then began to run up the stairs some more.

Doctor Green dispensed with his two guns, tossing them aside and throwing himself at Doctor Fell, the two toppled down the stairs.

Doctor Green steadied himself and threw the thin plague doctor down the steps, summoning his Katana to him as the crow like individual got to his feet and drew his shortswords, "never have i met an equal."

Doctor Green laughed and pointed his sword at the doctor, "you are nowhere near my equal."

Doctor Fell smiled, "we shall soon see." he launched himself at the doctor and they began to swordfight.

**further upstairs**

Gorilla man was swatting away guards with his hammer, laughing at their attempts to pierce his armor, suddenly a familiar voice met his ears, "Jake! Help me!"

he turned to see Kim, the blonde haired beautiful girl he called his girlfriend, held by a boy with green on green eyes, "Gorilla man."

Gorilla man growled, "Daniel!" this is Daniel Tivy, an accident many years ago caused him to have the ability to control and create plants, he was also criminally insane, he's among Gorilla man's worst enemies.

"so, it's come to this hasnt it?"

"what are you talking about?"

"you, me, her." he licked Kim's face with his green tongue, she screamed, Gorilla man roared and rushed towards Daniel, but the plant man pushed a gun to Kim's head, "not so fast, silverback."

Gorilla man used his scanner to determine wether the gun was loaded or not but he discovered something different instead, the Kim he was looking at was a very clever optical illusion created by a genetically modified plant Daniel had created, "go ahead, Daniel, I broke up with her ages ago."

Daniel was taken aback, "w-what?"

Gorilla man waved a massive hand, "do it, if you have the guts."

Daniel lowered the gun and Gorilla man punched his head off, sending me into another fit of seizures in my hospital bed.

he then ran up the stairs towards his objective.

**the penthouse**

Shelby pearson was putting on her personal armor, thin and lythe it was, as she put her helmet on, she looked to the side, "so Hiro, Ready to kill?"

the man stood totally still, his eyes had been pulled out to be replaced with mechanical eyes, the red eyes looked at Shelby, "yes Mistress." he drew his Zangetsu and readied himself.


End file.
